I've been interviewed! And I embarrass myself. But that's normal.

I'm not really sure who started this, and since it's a little after midnight and I just got home from the studio about an hour ago, I'm not going to spend any amount of time trying to figure it out, but 3 Carnations was interviewed by a blogger and she, in turn, offered to interview her readers. Since I don't have anything else to blog about, I jumped right on that offer and she emailed me her interview questions this afternoon.

Here is what she asked me:

1. Is there a single great perk to working in your law office? Fancy lunches catered in? Tickets available to sporting events?

Hmmmm, we have quite a few perks including eating leftovers of not-exactly-fancy catered lunches (deli sandwiches usually) when meetings are held in our office, free bottled water, sodas, and flavored coffees, they will prepare our Wills for free, they will cover one real estate closing for us, they let us have our employee Arts and Crafts show once per year, and we used to have Cake Day once a month where they brought in approximately 20 different cakes (but that's been cancelled due to the economy). However, for my own personal situation, the best perk is the fact that they pay my insurance. They pay for medical, dental, vision, and life and that is totally awesome because it saves me tons 'o bucks each month. If I ever add Hot Brazilian to my plan (if we ever finally get our crap together and get married), I will then have to pay for it myself. But our firm pays for all individual plans so, for the time being, I don't pay a dime for my insurance coverage - I just have to take care of co-pays when I go for my regular check-ups and my deductible if I'm ever unfortunate enough to have something serious happen. Another favorite perk of mine is the free peppermints at every receptionist desk. We have 6 receptionist desks so that's a lot of free peppermints!

2. Do you hope to have children someday? If not, will you say "My cats are my children" when people ask about it?

Quite honestly, I don't hope to have children. I have nothing against kids - in fact, I'm quite fond of them. Just not if they are my kids. Heh. This is going to sound awful but I'm being truthful here: I think I'm too selfish to have kids. I enjoy being able to paint anytime I want to. I enjoy being able to lay around for a couple of hours on the weekends and taking a nap if I want to. If I feel like going to the bookstore and hanging out by myself for several hours, I can jump in my car and do so. I can wander around art supply stores for hours if I want to and that's something that is fun for me. I love, love, love my alone time. And I adore quietness. It drives me mad to be around a lot of noise all of the time. And I could not stand it on the rare times I have had to watch kids appropriate television. Plus, the expense of having children scares the crap out of me. Hot Brazilian already has kids and he doesn't want any more so we are a perfect match.

If I ever say "Bailey is my child" you all have permission to punch me in the nose. I love her to pieces, but I tell people she is my cat, not my child. I've probably responded to people who ask if I have kids, "No, but I do have a cat" but I've never said my cat is my child. And by the way, she already throws up on the floor, sheds like crazy, and wipes her poopy covered ass across my bed from time to time so that's another reason I don't think I'll have kids - I already have enough messes to clean up.

3. If you could only have one condiment in your refrigerator, which would you choose?

Oh my goodness, this is a hard one because I love condiments. I guess I would have to say mayonnaise (the safflower mayonnaise from Whole Foods).

4. Who is one person with whom you wish your relationship (familial, friend, business or otherwise) were better than it is, and why?

Definitely my dad. I've written about this a number of times on here but to try to summarize, my dad is very closed off emotionally and it's hard to really know him. He can talk your ear off telling you stories, but he can't talk about his feelings, things that really matter, etc. I think he wants to be able to, but due to the way he was raised by his mother and his grandmother, and the fact that my biological mom (who he loved very much) died at a young age, he decided to always sweep everything under the rug, act as though nothing bad ever happened, and we were never allowed to discuss things with him. I think he's really lonely now that he and my mom divorced. They weren't happy together, but at least there was someone around. I worry about him a lot. I've tried to reach out to him but he's just not able to open up. I keep reminding myself that I'm not perfect by any means and he has never asked me to change anything about myself, so I've learned to accept that he is the way he is, but I absolutely wish things were different. I haven't given up on him though.

5. Have you ever had a perm? If so, did you regret it?

Oh honey. Have I ever had a perm? I lived in them while I was in high school and college. I graduated from high school in 1986. Big hair was in back in the 80's and I had wimpy, flat, lifeless hair. I permed my hair to within an inch of its life. And then I would still use tons of products and a spiral curling iron. And that little ozone problem we have? I'm probably responsible for at least a 25 foot section of that hole from the gallons of aerosol hair spray I used multiple times a day. But I'm proud to say I never had the huge bangs that stood up 6 inches above my head. Oh I wanted to, but my hair would not cooperate so now I can say I'm proud I never walked around with that horrendous look going on. And sadly no, I never regretted my perms. Back then I thought I had to be like everybody else. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have never had a perm because now I realize it's much better to be your own unique person - sad, ugly, wimpy, flat, lifeless hair and all. Oddly, my hair is now naturally curly - in fact it's a little foggy outside tonight and I have ringlets all over my head from the dampness in the air. The curliness has just happened in the past few years. Old(er) age does some strange things to a person. My hair turned curly for my 40th birthday. I'm hoping my gut and butt will disappear by the time I hit 45.

Oh okay, here's the photographic evidence of my perms.....

This one is on my 17th birthday. It's a little blurry, but you can make out the brillo pad permed hair, the super fancy, plastic white beaded necklace, and please pay close attention to the fact that I'm opening up some lovely garment made of acid washed denim. As far as the upholstery on the sofa, you're going to have to ask my mom to explain what she was thinking about that one.


And this next one is probably the most humiliating picture of me of all time. But y'all, in my defense, I got compliments on my hair from complete strangers all the time with this perm. I would have guys walk up to me and ask if they could run their fingers through my hair. Granted they were drunk off their rockers and if they tried their hands would forever be stuck in all of the gel, mousse and hairspray, but still. People loved my hair. It was the 80's and none of us had any taste whatsoever apparently. Because can y'all imagine walking up to me on the street and telling me this mess was beautiful? Believe it or not, my hair was not colored even though the top half of my hair looks many, many shades darker than the bottom. I'm blaming that on the lighting. Or something. I'm not really sure why it looks like it's two different colors. I was in college. And I promise I had not taken one drink even though I'm waving around a bottle of vodka (or perhaps it's a bottle of rum....it doesn't really matter though does it?). With a ribbon tied around my permed hair. And my shirt buttoned all the way up to my chin. I am crying from the humiliation. And God? If you ever were sitting around bored and decided to help me get as skinny as I was back in the day, I promise I would never dress like this again. And I would never wave around a giant bottle of liquor and pose for a photo while doing so. And I really, really promise I'll never get another perm or make a face this stupid. Amen.


If any of you would like to be interviewed, give me your email address and I'll try to think of some questions for you. But only if you agree to post some super embarrassing pictures of yourself.